Published December 2, 2004
Note: This poem contains references that may be inappropiate for children under the age of 13. Parental supervision is recommended for our younger members. - Nate
i wrote this in second person which is why it's here.
___________________________________________________
Skin flushed from the pleasure of his company.
You are young, you are fresh, you are ripe
for the picking.
And oh! If you would let him
he would turn your lips to cherry wine
(Red with just a hint of black)
He would
Revel in your peaches and cream
and langour on your pear shaped hips.
Silver sparks zing through the air
If looks could kill
You'd die a thousand happy deaths.
Shattered, melted, gone all to pieces
just so he'd pick you up and make you
whole.
But--
strangers you have been and strangers you shall stay.
Yet--
Who can tell what will happen in the night?
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,384 Reviews
Wow, this is OLD
Well, I liked it.
Over 13? no
Over 10? Yes
Yep
Good job!
Goodness, this is ancient! Regardless, I do like it quite a bit, especially:
I do think the lack of interior punctuation is a bit daunting for the reader, and should be remedied, but as I don't recall ever seeing you around here before (and therefore think you might have retired from these forums ^_~), I'll leave it at that.
Skin flushed from the pleasure of his company.
You are young, you are fresh, you are ripe
for the picking.
And oh! If you would let him
he would turn your lips to cherry wine
(Red with just a hint of black) - get rid of this line
He would
Revel in your peaches and cream
and langour on your pear shaped hips.
Silver sparks zing through the air
If looks could kill
You'd die a thousand happy deaths.
Shattered, melted, gone all to pieces
just so he'd pick you up and make you
whole.
But--
strangers you have been and strangers you shall stay.
Yet--
Who can tell what will happen in the night?
Wow - what a cliffhanger! I love it. So heated... Wow. You're a great poet! I hope you keep writing!
mmmm sex. I really like the languid flow of this piece. It drifts back and forth complacently like the exchange of kisses and caresses and smiles. It reminds me of a leaf falling to the ground....
I especially like the end. Those last two lines give it that seductive feeling, and tie in the sexual allusions (cherry, peaches and cream, die...). Wonderful. I want to set this to music and then have sex to the song ^_^.